Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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