im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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