why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
