i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
She told me I should be a condom model.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
