Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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