my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
