respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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