none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
