I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
