Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
