you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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