Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
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