sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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