That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
