You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
