No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
