I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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