i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
