I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
