i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
