battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
