just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
