Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
