1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
