yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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