Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
pray to the hookup gods
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
