I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
