We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
