News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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