I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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