Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
