the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
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