I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
