normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
