Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
