The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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