I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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