thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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