have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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