cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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