I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
