I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
