I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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