just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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