Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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