you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
