Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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