There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
