After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
