OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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