Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
