So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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