I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
