what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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